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Miss Chanandler Bong!!!

December 15, 2009

During exams or when I’m tired of studying, in order to just refresh myself I watch FRIENDS.. It just relieves me of the tension and the stress and has proven much more effective than sleep or meditation 😉 (not that I have tried, but I’m pretty sure that is the case :P)..  An amazing TV show with a great script and great actors.. And my favourite (and a favourite of millions other people as well ;)).. There’s no doubt that a series like Friends can never be recreated again.. It is one of a kind :).

And my favourite character if you should ask..??? Obviously Chandler Bing :D…!!!  Played by Mathew Perry whose comic timing is impeccable, Chandler Bing gives a whole new definition to the word ‘joke’ 😀


Here is a list of some of his wittiest quotes during the show… (well I didn’t know what to blog.. so kind of entertaining myself too ;)).. And anyways I would have posted these some other time so I thought why not now??? Ok now just go ahead and enjoy :D!!!!!


  1. Chandler: All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing’s right. And that’s what deathbeds are for.
  2. [pounding a scone]
    Ross: Stupid British snack food.
    Chandler: Did they teach you that in your anger management class?
  3. [In response to a stupid comment]
    Chandler: You have to stop the Q-Tip when there’s resistance.
  4. Rachel: Hey, just so you know: it’s *not* that common, it *doesn’t* “happen to every guy, ” and it *is* a big deal!
    Chandler: [pointing] I *knew* it!
  5. Ross: Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and *won*!
    Chandler: Ross came fourth and cried!
  6. Monica: You don’t like the game, because you suck at it.
    Chandler: I don’t suck at it. It sucks. And you suck.
  7. Ross: Oh, really? Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City.
    Chandler: Du-ude!
    Monica: What happened in Atlantic City?
    Ross: Well, Chandler and I are in a bar…
    Chandler: Did you not hear me say, “Du-ude”?
    Ross: …and this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after a while he just goes over to her and, uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Chandler’s not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls. And you’re right. Chandler’s not the type of guy just goes to bars and makes out with girls.
    Monica: You kissed a guy? Oh my God.
    Chandler: In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy.
  8. Ross: Can I borrow your blue tie? Emma spit on mine.
    Chandler: Okay, but you’ll have to give it back when I get a job. Of course, by then, ties will be obsolete and we’ll all be wearing silver jumpsuits.
  9. Joey: I hate Pottery barn too! They kicked me out of there just because I sat on a bed.
    Chandler: You took off your pants and cimbed under the sheets!
  10. Ross: We were on a break!
    Chandler: Oh, my God! If you say that one more time, I’m going to break up with you!
  11. Ross: I figured after work, I’d pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to… woo her.
    Chandler: Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1800’s when that phrase was last used.
  12. Chandler: I’m thinking of having an affair with your wife! Oh, you know what, I just did!
    Joey: Really?
    Chandler: No, freak show! She’s fictional!
  13. Ross: What are you doing tonight?
    Chandler: Why, do you have a lecture?
    Ross: No.
    Chandler: Free as a bird, what’s up?
  14. Joey: Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks she’s like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread!
    Chandler: Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth.
    Joey: God, I just, I hate her! I hate her! With her, “Oh, I’m so talented.” and “Oh, I’m so pretty,” and “Ooh, I smell so good.”
    Chandler: I think somebody has a crush on somebody.
    Joey: Hey, Chandler, can we please stay focused on my problem here? Y’know?
    Chandler: I’m talking about you. You big, big freak.
  15. Chandler: Was that place, the sun? (commenting on where Ross got his overly tanned tan from)
  16. Chandler: Stop staring at my wife’s legs…no, no, stop staring at your sisters legs!
  17. Chandler: (When Rachel asks him for advice)I’m not really good at giving advices. Can I interest you with a sarcastic comment?
  18. Chandler: (To Joey when he raises the idea of hitting a woman whom they thought was a stalker with a frying pan) Yes, hitting her with a frying pan is a good idea. We might want to have a back-up plan though, just in case she isn’t a cartoon!
  19. Monica: You broke a little girl’s leg?
    Ross: I know. I feel horrible. Okay.
    Chandler: [reading the paper] Says here that a Muppet got whacked on Sesame Street last night.
    [to Ross]
    Chandler: Where exactly were you around ten-ish?
  20. Kathy: Wow, you have really gorgous hair.
    Chandler: Thanks, I grow it myself.
  21. Monica: What you guys don’t understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.
    Joey: Yeah, right!… Y’serious?
    Phoebe: Oh, yeah!
    Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
    Monica: Absolutely.
    Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y’know? I mean it’s like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
    Ross: Yeah, and-and it’s not that we don’t like the comedian, it’s that-that… that’s not why we bought the ticket.
    Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert’s over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y’know? I mean, we’re in the car, we’re fighting traffic… basically just trying to stay awake.
  22. Chandler: I can handle this. “Handle” is my middle name. Actually, “handle” is the middle of my first name.
  23. Julie: [Monica has told everyone about Chandler’s third nipple] You know, Chandler, in some cultures a third nipple is considered a mark of virility. The most desirable women dance naked around you so you can make your pick.
    Chandler: Ah, would any of these cultures be in the tri-state area?
    Julie: Sorry?
  24. Joey: Anyway, I started working on what I’m gonna say at the ceremony, you wanna hear it?
    Monica, Chandler: Yeah!
    Joey: Now, listen, it’s just the first draft so… ”We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share. It is a love based on giving and receiving, as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have and receive.”
    Chandler: [to Monica] Shouldn’t we call the spitter?
  25. Eddie: [Chandler just asked him to move out] This is kinda out of the blue, isn’t it?
    Chandler: No, no, no. This isn’t out of the blue. This is smack dab in the middle of the blue.
  26. Phoebe: No, huh uh, no way, I’m sorry, not gonna happen.
    Chandler: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.
  27. Joey: And you call yourself an accountant?
    Chandler: …No.
  28. Joey: Want some jam?
    Chandler: No thanks, I just had a jar of mustard.
  29. Phoebe: We can be guys. Come on, let us be guys.
    Chandler: You don’t want to be guys, you’d be all hairy and you wouldn’t live as long.
  30. [Joey has packed an emergency kit with food, Mad-Libs and condoms]
    Chandler: Condoms?
    Joey: We don’t know how long we’re gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world.
    Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?
  31. Chandler: [dancing and singing] She’s on the other line, gonna call me back, she’s on the other line, gonna call me back.
    Monica: Don’t you still have to pee?
    Chandler: That’s why I’m dancing.
  32. [In response to one of Joey’s stupid comments]
    Chandler: How do you not fall down more often?
  33. Ross: So, uh, what did the insurance company say?
    Chandler: Oh, they said uh, “You don’t have insurance here so stop calling us.”
  34. Joey: Some girl ate Monica!
    Monica: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.
    Chandler: Ah, so how many cameras are actually on you?
  35. Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian…
    [everyone stares at Chandler]
    Chandler: … Did I say that out loud?
  36. Joey: [about a poker hand] There was chocolate on the 3. It looked like an 8. All right?
    Ross: You should’ve seen him. “Read ’em and weep”.
    Chandler: And then he did.
  37. Rachel: Ok, well, I’m turnin’ in.
    Chandler: Rach, we gotta settle.
    Rachel: Settle what?
    Chandler: The Jamestown colony of Virginia. You see King George is giving us the land.
  38. Rachel: So basically you guys get your ya-ya’s by taking money from all of your friends.
    Chandler: Yeah, and I get my ya-ya’s from Ikea. You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less.
  39. Ross: I’m not in love with her.
    Chandler: Then what was with that whole Black Bart speech? “When I play poker, I’m not a nice guy.”
  40. Rachel: Guess what, guess what, guess what!
    Chandler: Um, ok. The fifth dentist caved and now they’re all recommending Trident?
  41. Chandler: You know, I can’t believe you. Linda is so great! Why won’t you go out with her again?
    Ross: I don’t know.
    Chandler: Is this still about her whole ‘The Flintstones could’ve really happened’ thing?
    Ross: No, it’s not just that. It’s just–I want someone who… who does something for me, y’know? Who gets my heart pounding, who… who makes me, uh…
    [begins to stare lovingly at Rachel]
    Chandler: …little playthings with yarn?
    Ross: What?
    Chandler: Could you want her more?
    Ross: Who?
    Chandler: [sarcastically] Dee, the sarcastic sister from What’s Happening!
  42. Ross: It would be so cool to live across from you guys.
    Joey: Hey, yeah. Then we could do that telephone thing. Y’know, you have a can, we have a can and it’s connected by a string.
    Chandler: Or we can do the *actual* telephone thing.
  43. Monica: What does she do there?
    Chandler: Oh, she’s regional Vice President; She’s… just below me.
    Monica: She did what?
    Chandler: *Be-low* me!
  44. Chandler: [to Wendy, his colleague who is coming on to him] You’re a great person… ham-stealing and adultery aside.
  45. Chandler: But I didn’t get to shake my belly like a bowl full of jelly!
  46. Frank Buffay Jr.: Chandler is a girl. Chandler is a girl.
    Chandler: Hold on, kindergarten flashback.
    Frank Buffay Jr.: No, there was a mistake. It turns out that we missed it on the x-rays, the baby was a girl after all. Chandler is a girl. Chandler is a girl. Chandler is a girl.
    Chandler: Oh, please keep screaming that.
  47. Ross: What is the name of Chandler’s father’s all male burlesque review?
    Monica: Viva Las Gay-gas.
    Chandler: Unfortunately, that would be correct.
  48. Monica: Okay, we have to pick captains.
    Chandler: And then Tenniels.
  49. Monica: Losers walk.
    Dr. Ross Geller: No, losers talk.
    Chandler: Actually, losers rhyme.
  50. Chandler: Men are here.
    Joey: We make fire. Cook meat.
    Chandler: Then put out fire by peeing, no get invited back.
  51. Monica: Okay, I’ve got a leg, three breasts, and a wing.
    Chandler: How do you find clothes that fit?
  52. [to Joey’s stalker who thinks he is Drake Remore]
    Joey: I’m not Drake.
    Ross: That’s right, he’s not Drake, he’s Hans Remore, Drake’s evil twin.
    Erika Ford: Is this true?
    Rachel: Yes, yes it is true. And I know this because… because he pretended to be Drake too, to sleep with me.
    [Rachel throws water in his face]
    Monica: And then he told me he would run away with me, and he didn’t.
    [Monica throws water in his face]
    Chandler: And you left the toilet seat up, you bastard.
    [Chandler throws water in his face]
  53. Chandler: OK Ross, time is up.
    Ross: Oh, just give me another minute.
    Chandler: OK look Ross, if you don’t know them by now, you will never know them. OK? That is the beauty of this game, it makes you want to kill yourself.
  54. Ross: I’m gonna go out on a limb and say, “No divorces in ’99. Whoo.”
    Rachel: But your divorce isn’t even final yet.
    Ross: Just the one divorce in ’99. WHOO. This year I’m going to be happy, I’m gonna make myself happy.
    Chandler: So, do you want us to leave the room?
  55. Phoebe: My New Year’s Resolution is to pilot a commercial jet plane.
    Chandler: That’s great Pheebs, now all you have to do is find a plane load of people who’s resolution is to plummet to their deaths.
  56. Chandler: [Enters Central Perk Monica, Ross and Phoebe are There] Oh good, okay, I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take it anymore. So you win, okay? Here!
    [Hands him the 50 bucks he’s about to owe him]
    Chandler: Pheebs? Flying a jet? Better make it a spaceship so that you can get back to your HOME planet!
    Chandler: And Ross, phone call for you today, Tom Jones, he wants his pants back!
    Chandler: And Hornswoggle? What are you dating a character from Fraggile Rock?
    [He sits down and sighs in relief]
  57. Monica: Paul, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Paul.
    Joey: Hey, Paul, the wine guy.
    Ross: Hey, Paul.
    Phoebe: Hey, Paul.
    Rachel: Hi, Paul.
    Chandler: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name. Paul, was it?
  58. Ross: But I don’t want to be single… I just want to be married again
    [Rachel walks in wearing wedding dress]
    Chandler: And I just want a million dollars!
  59. Chandler: All right, kids, I’ve got to get to work. If I don’t input those numbers-… Doesn’t make much of a difference.
  60. Ross: [to Rachel] So, if you take this job you’ll be moving to Paris?
    Chandler: Or facing a bitch of a commute.
  61. Chandler: So, who is she?
    Ross: I don’t know. The evaluations were anonymous.
    Joey: Well, do you still have their final exams?
    Ross: Yeah.
    Joey: Well, it’s simple. You take the final exams and the evaluations, you see whose handwriting matches, and boom. You got your admirer.
    Chandler: A hot chick is at stake and suddenly he’s Rain Man.
  62. Dr. Ross Geller: I just found out Elizabeth’s dad wants to meet me.
    Chandler: Wait a minute. Hold the phone. You are not Elizabeth’s dad?
  63. [Chandler and Joey emerge from the bathroom after hiding from a fight between Ross and Monica]
    Chandler: That was pretty intense, huh?
    Joey: Yeah. Hey, I hope Ross didn’t think that we just went in there because we were uncomfortable being out here.
    Chandler: I hope he did.
  64. Chandler: Hey, you know, I have had it with you guys and your “cancer” and your “emphysema” and your “heart disease.” The bottom line is smoking is cool and you know it.
  65. Phoebe: Quit being so “testosterony”.
    Chandler: …The real San Francisco treat.
  66. Chandler: I got her machine.
    Joey: Her answering machine?
    Chandler: No. Interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up.
  67. [to Ross]
    Chandler: You know if your not careful, you could not get married at all this year.
  68. Chandler: Stay… stay. Good fake dog.
  69. Joey: Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind.
    Chandler: Yeah, Joe, I assure you if I’m staring down the barrel of a gun, I’m pretty much peeing every which way.
  70. Monica: I think I’d be great in a war. I’d, like, get all the medals.
    Chandler: Before or after you’re executed by your own troops?
  71. Chandler: The meaning of the box is threefold. One, it gives me the time to think about what I did. Two, it proves how much I care about my friendship with Joey. And three… it hurts!
  72. Monica: Do you really think the best reason to get married is because you’re sorry?
    Chandler: Oh no, the best reason to get married is pregnancy. Sorry is pretty much fourth, you know, behind being ready and actually wanting to get married.
  73. Chandler: [rushes in] Oh my god! Underdog has broken loose and is flying over the city!
    Joey: The balloon?
    Chandler: No, no… The actual cartoon character…
  74. Ross: [on the phone] Whoa, whoa whoa! Australopithecus isn’t supposed to be in that display. No! No! No! Homo habilis was erect, Australopithecus was never fully erect!
    Chandler: Well, maybe he was nervous.
  75. Phoebe: …And I found 500 extra bucks in my account.
    Chandler: Ohhh, Satan’s minions at work again!
  76. Chandler: You tried to save a sandwich from a bullet?
    Joey: I know this doesn’t make much sense…
    Chandler: MUCH sense?
  77. [Ross, Joey and Chandler talk about how Ross is pushing Rachel to Mark]
    Chandler: She starts thinking, ‘Maybe this is the guy for me because he understands me.’
    Joey: And before you know it. she’s with him and you’ll be all, ‘Oh man!’ And he’ll be all, ‘Yes!’ And us, we’ll be like, ‘Oh, dude!’ And pretty soon you’ll be like, ‘Hi.’ And, and, ‘Well I can’t go. Rachel and Mark might be there.’ And we’ll be like, ‘Man get over it, it’s been four years!’
    Chandler: He paints quite a picture, doesn’t he?
  78. [Chandler has just watched a woman giving birth on tape]
    Chandler: Before this, the most disturbing thing I ever saw was my dad doing tequila shots off the pool boy. Now, I’d gladly use that image as my screensaver.
  79. Chandler: Somewhere there is a man with a tranquilizer and a butterfly net looking for that man.
  80. Chandler: [bringing his duck outside when Ross and Rachel arrive] Now you stand out there and think about what you did! And when you come back in, I hope you’ll remember that the chick is *not* a toy!
  81. Monica: [talking about Janice] She cornered me! She asked if the wedding was in town. What was I suppossed to do?
    Chandler: Lie! How hard is that? ‘Your check’s in the mail,’ ‘Oh, your baby is so cute,’ ‘ I can’t wait to read your book, Ross.’
  82. Monica: Why is your family Scottish?
    Chandler: Why is your family, Ross?
  83. Chandler: You’ve got a male nanny? You’ve got a manny?
  84. Chandler: [to Joey who’s removing his tie] Would you put that back on? Monica’s gonna be here any minute.
    Joey: But it hurts my Joey’s Apple.
    Chandler: [frustrated] Okay, for the last time. It’s not named for each individual man.
  85. Joey: Whoa, whoa, that was just a theory. There’s a lot of theories that didn’t pan out. Lone Gunman. Communism. Geometry.
    Chandler: OH MY GOD!
  86. Monica: [about Emma] How do you know she’s gonna start talking?
    Rachel: Well, when I talk to her I almost feel like she understands what I’m saying.
    Chandler: Kind of like Joey…
  87. Monica: What happened?
    Chandler: Well,Joey was born and then 28 years later I was robbed!
  88. Chandler: [comes home to find all their possessions gone and Joey locked in the entertainment center] Are you all right?
    Joey: Yes.
    [Chandler opens the unit]
    Joey: Aw man he said he wouldn’t take the chair!
    Chandler: What happened?
    Joey: This guy came by to look at the unit and he bet me that a human body couldn’t fit inside of it.
    Chandler: So you got in *willingly*?
    Joey: Hey, I was trying to make a sale here. Oh man if I ever see that guy again, you know what I’m gonna do?
    Chandler: *Bend over*?
  89. Joey: [mumbling over a cell phone to Chandler] Mmmm mmm mmm mmmm mm mmmm mmmmm mmmmm.
    Chandler: Like that thought never entered my mind.
  90. Caitlin: Hey, where’s the chicken?
    Chandler: Oh, he’s in the back. The duck pissed him off. Said that “eggs came first”.


Ok thats it… I’m tired now!! And I can’t remember any more..

Goodnight everyone.. signing out :)…

One Comment leave one →
  1. December 15, 2010 1:07 AM

    I love Chandler Bing too 😀

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