Happy? Unhappy?

I said, “I want to be an architect.” Dad said, “Job opportunities are very low, do something else.”

Dad said “Science is not meant for you, take commerce.” I said, “OK Dad.”

I asked, “Can I go out for dinner tonight with my friends?” Mom said, “No being out later than 8 pm.” I insisted, “We live in Mumbai, Mom.” Mom said, “You are a child, you are not aware of the world.”

Dad said “Don’t waste time just doing B.Com, do CA.” I said, “Whatever you say, Dad.”

I asked, “Can I work somewhere for experience?” Dad said, “Be practical. Complete your studies first. You are already 21.” I said, “You are right, Dad.”

I said, “Let me finish CA first, then I’ll do MBA.” Dad said, “Don’t be ridiculous. Finish MBA first, CA can wait.”

I said, “I want to do MBA abroad.” Mom said, “We’ll not send you so far.” Dad said, “Indian universities are excellent. Try for India only, nowhere else.” I said, “OK.”

Mom asked, “Whom are you talking to, it’s after midnight.” I said, “My friend Mom, she has her exam tomorrow, so helping her out with a few difficulties.” Mom said, “No talking so late, it’s not good for girls to be on the phone so late.” I said, “Never again, Mom.”

I said, “I am applying to IIFT, Delhi for MBA.” Dad said, “That is MBA in International Business. Not good enough.”

I said, “I want to apply for FMS, Delhi for MBA.” Dad said, “Too many applicants, there’s no chance.”

I said. “What about XLRI, Jamshedpur?” Dad said, “Too difficult.”

Mom said, “Why do you want to go so far?” I asked, “Is that why you both refused?” Dad denied, but later confessed. I said, “But I am giving CAT? Is that OK?” No reply.

I said to Dad, “I want to apply for a university not in Mumbai. Live on my own. Experience the hostel life that you cherish.” Dad said, “If you are getting into a good college in Mumbai, why go out? Lets concentrate on staying nearby.”

Dad said, “Give CET for Mumbai universities.” I said, “OK Dad.”

I said, “MICA looks good. It is the best for MBA in Media and Communications, something that interests me.” Dad said, “Concentrate on getting into finance. That has more opportunities and that’s where the money is.” I said, “OK Dad.”

I asked, “Can I go out of town for a weekend with my friends?” Mom said, “I can’t send you alone, it is too risky.” I said, “OK Mom.”

Dad asked, “What is with you lately, show some enthusiasm, be cheerful. Smile!”  I said, “OK Dad.”

Mom asked, “Why aren’t you interested in anything? Anything wrong?” I say, “No Mom.”

Dad said, “The main thing is to be happy. We want you to be happy. The rest doesn’t matter.”

Mom, “You don’t seem happy. Look at others your age, how lively they are. And you have everything you want.”

 

Do I??? Am I happy???

Is having all materialistic pleasures everything I ever wanted or dreamed of? They are just means of attaining temporary happiness. What about the real deal?

I am not denying that parents have their child’s best interests at heart. But do you think that forcing her on your chosen path or your unattainable dream justified? Isn’t it necessary for a human to learn from his own mistakes first, which will help him to be more brave and confident?

Life is short, being happy is important. Constant displeasure regarding your choices are a deterrent to a sound and healthy growth of mind and body- so say the experts.

 

So what am I supposed to do? Does anyone have an answer???

It is almost 4 am as I write this. Thoughts of annoyance, anger, displeasure, frustration, unhappiness, dissatisfaction have been plaguing me for long. Getting them out should have made me feel better, but does it? Does it resolve the situation? No it doesn’t. I am still standing right there- confused and terrified, trying desperately to find a way out.

I love my parents and I know I am the one and only, most important factor in their life. I was a nice kid, sometimes naive but in everybody’s good books throughout. An ideal student, always aced my exams. Hardly any reasons for complaints. A quiet non-assuming girl, always obeying instructions, following orders. It’s not that I’ve not thrown my share of temper tantrums or been a stubborn brat occassionally. But you do understand where I’m going with this, don’t you?

 

Now I am 21, or I can argue- almost 22, and I have this sudden urge to explore and be adventurous. Take risks, feel free, go crazy, be impulsive! Is that wrong or unheard of? I don’t think so.

So now what?? I am unhappy :(.