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January 19, 2010

I was watching a CSI New York episode where they are investigating the death of a young girl. The autopsy confirms cause of death as “broken heart”. Interesting isn’t it? Well, in medical terminology it is called cardio myopathy, this is what the ME goes on to explain later on, which can be induced due to stress, emotional upheaval etc. 


Heart break is a very strange business. It is painful yet you cannot find any injury. There is a huge emotional black hole which sucks you in, leaving you devoid of any feelings. Why does this happen, remains a mystery.


A relationship that seemed to have fizzled out still left me heart-broken. Now that I think about it, it never was deep and true love. Just a caring friendship. But still I feel disappointed and upset when I think about it. It is probably because I had imagined a different future which seemed just perfect. All this thinking and fantasizing built up a strong image in my brain, which I believed to be real. The fact that my dreams wouldn’t come true was shattering.

I was aware of what was happening even before we parted ways. However there is always the hope that things will get better, and this is just a bad phase that will pass. And when it did happen I was still shocked. It took time for reality to sink in. When a person who has been a part of your life for so long, just vanishes it leaves you unbalanced. I got angry, sad, devastated, distraught, desperate, remorseful, regretful, ashamed, embarrassed. The emotional bombardment was overwhelming. I would lie awake trying to find answers as to what went wrong, I was reinforcing how sad I felt and what a loser I was. I felt terrible, and then even worse because I didn’t know if the feeling would ever end.

My friends, worried and irritated would tell me I was being neurotic. I had to move on. But the thoughts wouldn’t stop. I was not in control of my own brain. How ridiculous is that?


Someone said to me, “Love is like falling down. In the end you’re left hurt, scarred, and with a memory of it forever.”

But what if I don’t want the memory? Can it be erased? I guess it is more like a learning lesson.

It is said that time heals. And so it has. But it leaves you wary and careful. Such experiences make you think and dissect everything. You trust less.  


And such TV episodes take you back to those times which you have tried desperately to forget.

16 Comments leave one →
  1. January 19, 2010 11:45 PM

    Can relate to what you are talking…

  2. January 20, 2010 10:16 AM

    Hi Pooja,

    I do understand the pain and remorse you may be feeling in the present, but like all things in life, even this had to end. Life is all about change, it is about falling and getting up, its about walking and resting, its about loving and letting go. I remember an SMS I got some time back, it had a lasting impression on me, I dont remember the exact words but lemme put down the bottom line.

    Don’t compain or feel sad if God has taken away something from you, He is just emptying your hand, so that he can give you something better.

    So, you see, there are better times to come. And yes, those memories, they would always remain with you as a reminder of things. Dont think of the bad times, always try and think of the good times that you had. Always cherish the moments, coz these are the moments that would make us laugh when we grow old.

    Guess, I’ll turn into a philosopher if i keep writing … have a good day


  3. January 20, 2010 11:13 AM

    Quote “When a person who has been a part of your life for so long, just vanishes it leaves you unbalanced. I got angry, sad, devastated, distraught, desperate, remorseful, regretful, ashamed, embarrassed. The emotional bombardment was overwhelming.”

    I know the feeling… Love does comes with lotsa strings attached and when it does those the strings simply tighten!! How convenient!

    Bah..I shouldn’t have read this post, this has invited just another tough day at work!

  4. January 21, 2010 11:33 AM

    So true…very well written…

    its the process called life…you grow with every experience and just when you do start trusting less as a figment of what happened in the past…life gives you faith and the ability to be able to trust again….

    Hang in there…time does heal 🙂

  5. January 24, 2010 8:35 PM

    Saying goodbye for good or breaking up is never easy. It should not be. When it happens I feel like a boat adrift in the middle of the ocean.

  6. January 25, 2010 10:51 AM

    Try some J & D or Chivas, they worked for me 😛

    Food for thought: “Everybody leaves somebody, sometime” It’s a blame game we all play atleast once in life, intentionally or otherwise. I say grow up and prepare to leave or be left, it is just so inevitable 🙂

  7. January 27, 2010 5:13 PM

    The problem with the heart is to expect more and more and the mind seems to ignore this greed. Love has nothing to be feared. There may be occassions where you despise love, but I feel that we expect more out of love than love wants us to. So, fall freely in love without any complications and love will take its own course. The more we expect out of love, the more it distances itself from us. Its like the free birds flying in the sky. If you leave it free, it will come down to your side and feed from your hands. The moment you want to catch it, it will fly away.


  8. January 27, 2010 7:27 PM

    sigh! been there done that. Hye u watch CSI NY? Its my fave show!!

  9. January 29, 2010 11:52 PM

    I can so bloody relate to the post…U post kind of flashbacked the hardships i underwent 😦

    Well writte…i am hooked to your posts 🙂

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