Why Am I So Alone?
Sometimes I wake up at night and get this urgent need to cry. There are so many thoughts and feelings churning inside me but somehow I am just unable to get them out. At night, just lying in my bed, it feels like I am the one person in the world, no one else exists.
I am so incredibly lonely and it’s killing me because I have no reason to feel like this. I could reach out to almost anyone and they’d be there for me. But I can’t, why can’t I do this one little thing?
There is always this fear that people won’t understand what I am feeling. My parents, being from a different generation find it difficult to accept certain views of mine. I have friends, of course, great ones that too. But there is always a fear that they would be judgemental. It is such an effort to just do anything at times, that I feel so tired and worn out. The “I am so happy and excited about this and that” seems like a façade.
The solitude is overwhelming but I’m not even sure I want to not be lonely because I could fix it by reaching out instead of pushing people away. Physically I am surrounded by so many people, who love me dearly and I love them back. So is it all in the head? Does everyone feel this way at times?
I’m sorry, I’m really confused, this is a rant. Don’t mind me, I’ll just crawl back into my burrow.